Lucky day.

What happened today was as if to remind me to always count my blessings. Let’s shed some positivity to my otherwise negative life. I have friends complaining my Instagram is so gloomy as if I’ve been through a thousand break ups.

Here’s what happened.

I came home last weekend to celebrate my father’s birthday and I planned to stay back in my college for this and the coming weekend. There was suppose to be an election at Taylor’s University tomorrow, but probably the physic of this universe worked it’s magic; it got cancelled. Until yesterday, I thought I’d stay back anyways to support my course mate’s event and work on my Final Year Project.

And then I got the news that my mom’s aunt passed away. But thought I wouldn’t be able to make it because my mom was suppose to attend the funeral yesterday night. It so happened that she did not.

But the thought of going home still did not occur to me until while I was having brunch with my room mate at 12:00pm.

Here’s some background information. If I want to go home by the public transport, I’ll have to take a bus from my residential college area to campus. From campus, I’ll have to take the shuttle bus to the KTM station which comes every one hour. And I have to reach Kajang KTM station latest by 2:30pm or else no one would be able to pick me up from the station.

KTM shuttle bus do not enter residential college area unless it is weekends or public holidays. It’s Friday, which means the last bus from residential college area to campus is 12:30pm and last bus from campus to KTM station is 12:45pm. Bus operation only resumes around 2:00pm to 2:30 pm, after Friday prayer hours.

In such case, my biggest hope is that I could catch the last bus to campus area and grab a cab to KTM station.

By the time we were done with lunch and got back to our room, it was 12:15pm. I called my mom and told her I’d be going home and started packing, it was 12:18pm. I literally dumped everything into a plastic bag, packed my laptop and sprinted to the bus stop.

It was 12:22pm, it usually takes 5 minutes from my block to the bus station. 12:26pm when I reach the bus station and I was about to head for the waiting bus. But a bus with the indicator flashing the three alphabets; KTM stopped right in front of me. I was beyond thrilled and even confirmed it with the driver before I board it.

I asked the driver why did the shuttle bus to the KTM station enter our residential college area on a Friday. The driver told me his assigned route for the day was my residential college area but he received a call  from the control centre to change his route to the KTM station, which was probably a couple of minutes right before I reach the KTM station.

It was 12:56pm and there was only one counter opened with a very long queue, but before I got into line and begin queuing, another counter opened and I became to 3rd in line. My ticket was RM1.10. I gave the operator RM2.00 and he asked me if I had 10 cents. I said I have and started fumbling around but just couldn’t find any when I need it. The operator passed me my ticket and a one ringgit bill, telling me it was okay.

I looked at him gratefully, grab my stuff and got passed the ticket machine. The train arrived once I stepped onto the platform. It was 12:58pm.

A journey that usually takes about 1 hour to reach Kajang from my university took about 30 minutes.

I guess I was meant to come home after all this weekend. A secret force making everything smooth for me.

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And then coming home to this surprise token of appreciation from that  one book sale that could drive me insane. I knew there would be something arriving from the team but never thought it would include a preview pass.

I actually wanted to resist going this year, but oh well.

All in all, I feel so lucky today. And all these made it possible for me to pay my last respect to my mom’s aunt.

At this current age of mine, I realise, our elderlies are growing as we are growing and changing too. Though it felt as if we’ve changed a lot but they have always been the same, fact is, they’re growing older too. And suddenly they all seem so fragile to me.

I wish my biggest fear could give me more time.

Scribbled,

Mich.

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Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame.

Yup. Chilling at the overrated Starbucks with my over-price laptop while family is away on a vacation. 🙄

Just realised that I haven’t updated my blog this month as I scrolled through my 100 days challenge on Instagram. It’s Day 97 today.

Scrolling through the photos that I religiously posted everyday despite the short of internet connection while I was away in a conference, I tend to ask myself quite often; Did this really made you happy that day?

Here’s the catch; there were some days that what I posted did not really reflected what made me happy or smile that day, but really, days like that, I’d reflect on something or realise something, which is as good as something that made me happy. So yeah. However, it dawned upon me that, honestly, I tend to maximise the detractors in my life rather than leveraging what I have to make myself happy. I don’t know, I have melancholic blood running my veins. It’s not something I could help.

Sorrow dweller.

Especially at times like this with several things eating at my brain. Imagine an empty house with all those space you could have to allow yourself be drowned in a world of your own summertime sadness. That’s craziness that fuels crazy ideas and thoughts. Even right now, in the midst of chit-chats of coffee addicts around me, all I could think of is just that-one-thing-that-you-don’t-want-to-know-is-what.

It’s unhealthy. And it took me this long to admit that it’s unhealthy. But just like any other addictions, you tend to go back again and again despite how damaging it is to you. Perhaps it’s time to check in for an emotional rehabilitation program.

After all, they said it gets better when you decided not to care, no?

It’s going to be fine.

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone’s bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die

-Try, Pink.

Scribbled,

M

P/s: I know this is completely a trash post. I know I owe my blog a post on my trip to Philippines and the international conference. Ahh, too bad, life sucks for you, blog. I currently don’t have the mood yet.

Undelivered speeches.

I know I should be studying right now for tomorrow’s test. But I know better that if I don’t post this now, it will slip away like every other thoughts that I’ve ever had. So, yeah ..

It so happens that this semester, I’ve finally managed to register a compulsory subject on English proficiency and it’s Public speaking. It’s different from the Public speaking I had in my first semester which was more intense and this time around it’s more, well, student friendly? First assignment – special occasion and I immediately knew what speech I wanted to do when our lecturer told us to pick two speeches to deliver.

A wedding toast and an eulogy. Both titled; She will be loved.

She will be loved: Happily ever after.

Photo credit: Luminous Aether Photography

Remember when I was still in primary school and was asked to write a short essay on who your superhero is, everyone was so excited to write about their superheroes like superman, batman, cicakman, whatever man, you name it. But because we were living separately and I really missed her a lot, my sister became my very own superhero.

I remember how we used to write each other letters. And in those letters, there will always be bookmarks, stickers and even poems. It’d be the very thing I look forward to receiving every week.

And during my visits, we would talk till late into midnight telling each other every thing and anything.

As time passes by, we begin growing out of the arms of each other. We became busy with our lives, but never leaving the other. I guess, we never stop loving each other. I don’t think that would ever happen.

We were always there for each heartbreaks, each breakdowns and each falls as we try so hard in working things out with life.

I guess it’s normal that we no longer write each other letters, because you stalk me on twitter. I guess it’s okay we no longer talk late into midnight because things are sometimes best said when we say nothing at all.

I have seen my superhero breaks down and lost her directions. I have watched as she crumbles down falling into pieces. But she always comes back, stronger each time.

She’s always doubtful about herself and she’s always afraid. As her sister, though younger, I’ve always feel obligated to watch after her. To look out for her.

But today, my superhero, the fragile yet amazing superhero is getting married. I feel happy, no, elated. Because all the sad things she had been through has bore fruit. All the doubts she had have become pointless.

I won’t guarantee you that from this day on, you’d face no sorrow, no tears but just pure joy. But if I could guarantee you one thing, it would be your happily ever after.

A happily ever after that both of you work towards. Regardless of fights that you will have, tears that you would shed and hearts that would break. Because at the end of the day, you will embrace each other and know everything will be fine. That is happily ever after. It’s not an end; it’s a journey together.

And I know my superhero and her sidekick, my brother in law, will enjoy their journey of happily ever after together.

So here’s to Fene and Andrew’s happily ever after!

It has always been something that I regret not doing. To not deliver a toast on my sister’s wedding, to tell everyone who she is and to share how happy I felt on her wedding day. I think along the way, she did asked me if I wanted to deliver a speech and I said no. Because back then, I felt it was redundant as most of the relatives on our side do not speak English. But I felt as if it was this one chance I had to stand up for my sister and I did not.

I blurp out the video like an hour before presenting my speech in hope that I could recreate that night.

It’s those things that I wanted to tell her and I didn’t but I still can. 🙂

She will be loved: Love prevails.

Before I begin, I’d like to take this chance to express our heartfelt gratitude on behalf of my family to every one of you that is here with us today. It means a lot to us, especially during such difficult times.

As I was preparing this eulogy, the same haunting scene kept replaying again and again in my head. That moment as I turned the last corner to this very street we all stand to find a white canopy set in front of this very house and to have that wave of grief drowning me as I broke down in my sister’s arms.

We knew this day would come, that she would exhale her last struggled breath leaving this world. And we knew it’d mean she is in better hands. But knowing any of that doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier.

As I sat in my room contemplating how would I want my last goodbye to grandma be like, memories of her come bustling in and out my train of thoughts. Memories of her happy face when we all crammed up in that house above the shop lots during festive seasons. Memories of her smiling face as I cut her finger nails and those haunting memories as we watched her struggling with what was left of her after her stroke attack.

But there was this one thing stuck in my head through all those contemplation; the stubborn determination of my grandma, our very own iron lady. As we are all well aware of, she was paralysed and couldn’t speak for the last two years making her dependent on us to care for her. Yet, she never gave up. She never gave up being the wife who loves her husband. She never gave up being the mother who longs for her children. She never gave up being who she was. The loving wife, the caring mother and the knowing grandma.

She reacted at the slightest hint of news from her children and tiniest sound of grandpa’s voice would make her day. She lived her life with love. Devoted her life loving her husband, caring for her children.

And I would like that on this day, we too, bid our goodbyes to your loving wife, your caring mom and our knowing grandma with love. To remember all those small but significant moments we had with her and celebrate the life she lived.

Death is inevitable, it is irreversible. But love prevails as grandma sets off to enjoy her new found freedom. She would always love us regardless of where she is. And so will we.

Goodbye, grandma.

Yes. We all knew that day would come, yet knowing didn’t made it easier when it really came. And that faithful afternoon never really leave me. But the sorrow diminishes little by little every time you pour it out.

I still think about her every now and then. Regardless of anything. It’s the way that I would want to remember my grandma whom we accompanied her throughout her final journey. My grandma who devoted her life grieving for her son who left too soon. Grandma who let her love drained every energy that is left of her.

It’s not the things that I wanted to tell her but didn’t and could never tell her. But rather the things that I want her to be remembered about.

I’m glad I chose to take Public speaking for the last 3 credit hours of English proficiency class. Or this two undelivered speeches would never given the chance to even exist in the first place. It would always remain as something I wanted to do but never got to do.

At least, now, I’ve weaved out the things I wanted to say on script.

Better than formless thoughts, no?

Leaving to Philippines this Friday and I feel excited at the same time disconcerting having to leave behind quite a number of things for what seems like two weeks.

And I’ll say hey,
You’ll say baby, Hows your day
I’ll say crazy,
But its all gonna be alright,
You’ll kiss my smile,
I’ll pull you closer,
Spend awhile just gettin’ to know ya,
But its all gonna be alright,
Loving you tonight.

              -Loving you tonight, Andrew Allen.

Scribbled,

Mich

Quote

Silence any song.

I have wished a bird would fly away,
And not sing by my house all day;

Have clapped my hands at him from the door
When it seemed as if I could bear no more.

The fault must partly have been in me.
The bird was not to blame for his key.

And of course there must be something wrong
In wanting to silence any song.

-A minor bird, Robert Frost.

Sometimes, it is equally important to seek solitude to figure things out. Not just immersing yourself into the deep current of encouragement and motivations.

But at times like this, solitude becomes a luxury.

Sweet.

The first post of the year. A tad bit too late, but there is always this saying that goes; better late than never. 😉

So ..

HAPPY 2014!!

5th day into the year of 2014 and here is my first post, greeting the world. Truth be told, ever since I entered university, my entire concept and perception towards the timeframe of a year has been different. A new year doesn’t really feel like a new year much except that we write 2014 instead of 2013. Basically because it’s the end of the semester and it’s finals’ season. But a new semester feels damn new. 😕

Anyway, for the first time, there won’t be any blow by blow 2013 recap nor 2014 resolutions. I guess, I could possibly, safely say that I don’t roll that way anymore? Maybe just this year (just in case I decided to do a recap by the end of this year, wtf). Main reason being is that, whenever I read posts on 2013 recap about how fruitful their 2013 had been, I’d go.. hmm. Hmm? 😐

A lot happened, of course a lot happened. But it’s the question of what I’ve gained. And it’s sort of tacit and it’s not easy to make it explicit. It’d take a whole lot of ranting. But one thing for sure, I must say, I learnt quite a lot about myself. Maybe discover would be a more suitable word. I wouldn’t say that I’ve found someone that I’ve never known myself to be, but rather know better of myself? Okay. That’s quite complicated. 😕

I should probably save that for another 21 Perceptions. So back to the title; Sweet.

Yes. Sweet.

It has been literally, I said literally, the sweetest week of my entire life. Since 30th of December last month; last year; this Monday, I was sort of snatched out of my room and went all the way to Bangsar for Alexis. Been craving for Alexis quite some time and was a bit in the blue on 30th but then Jivi called me and asked if I were up to go out for yumcha with Thai. Figured I could use some company? She said yumcha and I ended up being brought to Alexis and we had cake. 😀

Just when I thought that was that, since the original plan for NYE was cancelled so I slept all the way until 1 in the afternoon on the next day and on a random impulse decision, thought I’d just drop by Mid Valley and buy some stuff that I’m short of at the same time post a parcel off to a friend. But then, I don’t feel like doing it alone so I texted Jivi, and she said yes even on a random notice.

Jivi and our hoodie.

Yup, that’s Jivi. And we bought the same hoodie from Uniqlo together and wore it straight away. Simply went to the counter and told the cashier to tag it, paid and wore it out of the shop. I DID feel guilty, just so you know, but I really liked the design and it was .. on a promotion. We reckon it’d be fun to wear the same hoodie to conference or even meetings. Meyh. But I really love this hoodie. Fits snugly. I blame Yin Han, seriously. She was the one who showed it to me. Bless her. HAHA.

Also, on a random decision, we both decided that we should watch Frozen. Everyone was saying that the movie was really nice, yada.. yada! So the movie was nice. Typical Disney movie, not astoundingly nice but still nice. It’s been a while since I watched any Disney movies, I think. I love the movie for Idina Menzel’s voice though. Oh yeah, the sweet point in this was, we had pop corn right after we had our quite filling lunch because she said: Who goes into a cinema without pop corn? And also a cup of Heaven and Earth ice lemon tea.

Halfway through the movie, Iylia called. She was supposed to be spending NYE with Iylia and Wen Jun which was their original plan. And I thought.. after getting my stuff done, I’d wait until Iylia pick Jivi up and I’d head back to my hostel. Because honestly, I really didn’t feel like it. At all. But my conscience hits because she basically spent her whole afternoon with me on a very random notice, not to forget listened to me rant on and on about my issues yet not judging. And basically tried her best to make me feel better. So, I said yes. We were told to have something to fill our stomach first before being picked up from Mid Valley, and we had, of all things for dinner –  Snowflake.

Like that was not enough, after Iylia picked us up, it so happens that we went Bangsar again, and another round of cakes, this time with macarons! 😛 Ahh. By then, I already felt like.. oh my, enough of sweet things alright? It did not end here. After that, we decided that we should find a jazz bar and sit down while waiting for the time to strike before heading to Putrajaya for fireworks. But it so happens that the place we thought we’d go was pack, passed by Bukit Bintang and god forbids, the crowd can swallow you up. It felt claustrophobic even I was in a car and was just looking out from the window at the crowd. 😕

And then we waited for Kae Sen at a mamak near our university, I ordered banana milk. 🙄

From left: Jivi, Wen Jun, Iylia

Crapped there until around 11.30pm, picked Kae Sen up from intern house and off we went to Putrajaya singing along to The Corrs throughout the whole journey. Picked a spot, under the bridge and waited for time to pass. Wasn’t long. Then it happened.

2013 left. Without much notice, only 2014 blasting itself, announcing its arrival to the world at quite a distant from where we stood. Kae Sen wasn’t in the picture because he was on the phone.

Totally random. Totally.. different?

The view of the underside of the bridge at night with it’s reflection was purely awesome. I fervently wished I had my camera and my tripod with me. No joke.

Time Portal, Putrajaya.

After the firework was over, we didn’t know what to do and some of us were hungry. 😀 Thus, the answer was dim sum at Kuchai Lama. I think we reached there around 1.30am? Ate so much until we all had enough and just sat there crapped the whole night. With Kae Sen there, laughter was guaranteed. I think we made the most noise there and by the time we left the place, it was 3 in the morning, first day of 2014. Made our way back to hostel but the gate was closed on us, so Iylia dropped all of us at intern’s house and Jivi, Wen Jun and I crashed at intern house. Jivi and I slept in the living room. 😆

Though, NYE didn’t really turn out as how I thought it’d be, it ended somehow with a smile. Well, things happen for a reason?

Room mate and I.

Wen Jun sent us back after getting his car from his hostel at 7 in the morning(how could we live without our LCP), cleaned myself up and went back to sleep until 12 in the afternoon. Only had lunch at about 2 because my room mate woke up at 1.15, something like that. Again, on a random decision, dragged my room mate out to Mid Valley and met up with an idiot a friend. 😛 Was supposed to have sushi but ended up having Alexis AGAIN. 😯 No joke, really sugar overload because we went for 47 Ronin and again, there was pop corn.

It was a weird combination of people hanging, or rather looming around the mall. Rather weird. And the first day of the year was ended with Mc D as supper at Bangsar, again, FML.

What’s wrong with me and Bangsar? It used to be the woman and I’s favourite hang out spot. We love parking our car and just wander down the empty streets where only few shops would be open. It was quiet. It was peaceful.

Now I’ve over-visited it.

Coursemates.

You would have thought that sugar intake would stop. It was too much that I’ve started growing wary on even having granola bars as breakfast, the thought of it made me want to puke. I was dying for something salty, something food the next day. Spent the whole 2nd January studying for my first paper.

And yesterday, since it’s already 5th now, went to have lunch with the course mates after my second paper. The meal was awesome, Hot soup at Kajang. Initially, they wanted to go Karaoke at Setia Walk because Loudspeaker is having promotion (I know right, second paper like finish finals already. 🙄 ).

But changed of plan: Dessert at Publika.

And thus, this happened..

Mad about coco, Publika.

Though shared with the course mate, but still it was a little bit too much. The chocolate was too nice and didn’t want to waste it. Translation: I finished half of the chocolate and it was really sweet.

I guess I really had to cut down on sugar intake. Seriously.

Thus, that is. The sweetest week of my life. Literally. So sweet. 😳

Should be studying or maybe sleep early. But, for the first time in forever, a long ass post on what’s up. I’ve missed the steady rhythm of my fingers dancing across the keys on my laptop. The humming as my fingers hit each keys that makes me feel better as thoughts flow through my moving hands. I’ve missed this, too.

Gonna end this post with a screenshot of a video call from my sister. 🙂 Ignore my face, a successful attempt in making the mischievous little boy smiled at me.

Love him 😀

Screenshot of video call with #boiboier

Have an awesome year ahead, to me, myself and I. And to all those reading this. To those who matter and to those who care.

Here’s to another year of unfolding adventures.

Love and scribbled,

Mich.

I draw, or so they said.

Burst of a thousand tinkles.

Burst of a thousand tinkle

Photography is drawing with light, or so they said.

Never been an artistic person my entire life. I hated art class and rarely to almost never gotten an A for Arts my entire life of primary and secondary education. Okay, maybe not that bad, must have gotten an A before somewhere in between, but yeah.

I could look at amazing drawings, because a lot of my friends are artistic and it won’t be exaggerating if I am to say they are naturally born artists, but definitely not drawing one myself. I just don’t have that sort of intuitive jive that flows through the sketch pen.

Taking photo is an entirely different story.

To pinpoint the exact point in my life as to when the interest in photography sparks in me would be; That moment Samjosh David started babbling on and on about how amazing those photos in his photography magazine looked and how adjusting its aperture and shutter speed could do just that, well, with the right camera and lens of course.

Those terms were strangers to my ears, not to mention my brain. And then he showed me photos he took in his compact camera. Macro shoots. And I just couldn’t turn that part of my brain off for the longest time. The precise sharpness of the focused subject and the blurred distant background.

Long, not soon, after that, I somehow got into a photography ecstasy, dying to buy a camera for myself. It lasted really, really long. It was a point in my life where I simply would not go a day without hovering between Canon and Nikon’s official site. Yes, I’m crazy like that and I was sort of lifeless during Form 6. I even tried working at Old Town as a part timer to save enough money, but who was I kidding.

Ballerina in a glass.

Ballerina in a glass.

Photography is an expensive art, or so they said.

Before I finally bought my DSLR, my mom finally surrendered to my nagging and longing or whatnot, that she finally gave me her very old and antique film SLR. It wasn’t in it’s best condition but nevertheless, I popped in the film and started shooting away 😀 The end product was fun. Though, unconvincing it may sound, I lost the soft copies of them(developed them and had them saved in soft copies) and never got bothered enough to send them to be developed again.

I never pop in another roll of film again. It was expensive to develop the films, really. And I don’t have the perfect place to store them, so if I were to pop in a roll of film, I’ll have to finish it shortly. But shooting with film is much more exciting with digital camera if you ask me.

Because, unlike digital cameras where you immediately get a preview of what you have just frozen with that one shutter release of your camera, but for film, obviously, you basically don’t really know what have you caught with your lens until you collect them from the developing shop. And more often than not, it comes with surprises. Candid surprises.

After buying my DSLR, it was the most frustrating period ever. When you put your theory into practice and just have to endure times and times of confusion and frustration until you reach that; what you see is what you get result. It felt restless. But exhilarating when once in a while you get shots that makes you go, WOW.

Why taking photos become mesmerizing to me is; shutter release is so much more efficient than the human eyes to catch astounding images.

And it’s stealing from time, something that is more valuable than money.

Spiral.

Spiral.

A photo worth a thousand words, or so they said.

How snapping away an awesome shot can be a split second thing and the end product could be interpreted into over a thousand words and feelings always amaze me. It’s like a parallel universe existing in the same dimension.

Today, my works in Basic Photography class was being exhibited for faculty day. It’s not an actual exhibition, more to a showcase of what we were doing during hours of labs(I cheated, sort of.). But still, it is an exhibition nonetheless. And it occurred to me, I don’t really have the slightest intention of being a photographer. I photograph for pure self-satisfaction and a good shot is something that makes me feel good and satisfied. So to be honest, working on the assignment for Basic Photography, especially studio portrait is a torture to me.

No, not the model of course, but just me plainly disliking studio portraits. It felt so synthetic.

Which explains why I like doing still life rather than portraits.

And so; I don’t do creative, I do intuitive.

Scribbled by,

Mich.