Aside

Stumbled upon

I vaguely remember there used to be a social site called stumbled upon, yes? It was a long time ago. Back when MSN messenger was still a thing. But that is not the point. It’s not the site that I stumbled upon. It was my old Tumblr account that I stumbled upon.

An email from Tumblr came through just when I was studying for my last finals; 4 years anniversary of Tracing Memories. It was four years ago that I set up a Tumblr account. I don’t exactly remember why I stopped going on Tumblr, like so many other things that went away in my life, it just happened. Well, life happened. Frankly, I was shocked to find XiaXue’s (A famous Singaporean blogger, apparently) post flooded my feed when I finally managed to recall my Tumblr password.

I spent another 20 minutes navigating around trying to view my own blog page. The next 15 minutes or so scrolling through histories. It just so happened that I once linked my Instagram to Tumblr, so there were some earlier Instagram photos on my Tumblr. Then again, it is not the point because when I scrolled pass the Instagram era, I stumbled into my past. A small, forgotten piece. There was a split second when I stopped scrolling, I didn’t dare to continue scrolling. It wasn’t about how stupid I used to be, nor how naive. It was some reblogged posts that reminded me of what I once felt.

An answer to a question that has been haunting me.

I guess my friend was right. It doesn’t matter anymore. What matter was that at the point of decision making, I chose myself. This, by default, rendered what had been and what could have been meaningless.

Nevertheless, I thank Tumblr for that email that had transported me back to my past.

I have loved you, once upon a time.

We are two lines forming a sphere. Although we don’t meet often, but we will always get back to each other. And you are all that I have and I’m all that you’ve got.

Scribbled,

Mich

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When the bold goes bald.

A few years back, or maybe even more than that, I remember reading a book that marks the end of my phase with chick flicks; My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. It was about a girl, Anna Fitzgerald, who was genetically engineered and brought to this world to save her sister, Kate who was diagnosed with cancer, or more precisely, leukaemia. The story revolved around how the girl filed a petition against her parents for the rights of her own body and reveals the daily struggles of a family with a cancer patient.

I remember in the book, Kate eventually had to shave off all her hair because of the side effects of her treatment that causes hair loss. She became depress and refused to get out of bed insisting she’s sick and weak and doesn’t want to get out because she is ugly. Her mom stormed out of the room and started shaving her hair in the bathroom just so that her daughter would not feel alone and finally got out of bed and left the house to be out there and face the world.

At that time, I thought, well, that’s what family does right? They give you the strongest support and go all out to show that they care.

Because it’s your daughter, you’d do anything to help her feel brave. Because it’s your mom, you’d do anything so she don’t feel alone in this war with cancer. Because it’s someone you love and someone you care deeply for. Even that alone, how much do you really have to care enough for you to do something instead of just talking? How much courage does it take?

Which is why, it was truly inspiring and I was simply amazed at how supportive one could be for a cause to raise awareness for cancer through actions.

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Photo source: Sarah’s instagram.

She was one of the brave souls who took the challenge to raise fund for a cause in her university. She is Sarah Wong.

When she first posted her status announcing that if she could raise a certain amount of fund in a given time, she would go bald. I was certainly impressed, at the same time excited for her updates. I knew her through AIESEC, and my first impression of her was a bubbly character, very cheerful. I remember she sat at the row next to me on our way to UTM last year and there was not once that she stopped talking. Really.

Though, I really do not know her very well, but I simply felt so proud of her when she first posted up photos of herself after getting shaved where later on, my news feed was flooded with supportive words and expressing pride of knowing such amazing person. And then she posted a note and I was touched. By her courage, her pure will to simply being a part of this cause and in expressing her support and respect towards those who are in a constant battle with cancer.

Photo from Sarah's note.

Photo from Sarah’s note.

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Photo from Sarah’s note.

Attended the first class of Psychology in Communication and the lecturer discussed about how different personality and attitude forms different souls, and from within the soul, comes different emotions and feelings. And I would dare say, it’s a beautiful soul that Sarah has.

I, myself wouldn’t have been able to summon this much of courage despite how helpless I feel and constantly struggling to stay supportive not just for causes relating to cancer but also other things including Congenital Heart Defect awareness. I’ve known a girl who has exactly the same heart defect as I do, she strived hard in raising awareness in her country about CHD. Because in 10 newborn babies, 1 die of CHD and yet, little people are aware of the severeness and commonness of CHD. And here I am, being someone who faces such defect and yet remain oblivion to the level of awareness of my country when it comes to CHD.

At the end of the day, I guess everyone has their own ways of showing support to people who needs them. It’s just a matter of how much do you care enough to show your support in terms of actions or maybe just simple encouraging, expressive words. But make sure they know you’re there for them. Every little action counts and matters, regardless of how stupid you might perceive it to be. Because those people we love and we care, they’re not the worm squiggling in your womb, they don’t know how you really think or even feel. They need reassurance. All the time.

Great job, Sarah and those who went all out for this amazing cause. 🙂

Scribbled,

Mich.

***

P/S: Was debating how should I bring in some randomness to this post, whether a new post or just somehow link it in a very forceful way, but meyh, a long P/S should do, right?

Anyway, just a quick update!

So today, there wasn’t any class and I decided it’s time I should give UPM’s swimming complex a good visit. Jivitha and I went there and our swimsuit in disguise just passed the standard and rented two swimming cap, then we were good to go! No photos because, well, Jivitha thinks we looked hideous in our swimming cap so she didn’t let me take any photos.

But people just don’t get it. I really, honestly, earnestly, precisely, exactly do want to learn how to swim. It’s always been something I wanted to be able doing. Eventually, Thai told me, all you need to do is to go to the pool frequent enough and you will know how to swim, eventually. Like .. what? 😮

Anyhow, KPI not achieved! 😥 Need to work harder on it. After that, we met up with Thai and went for lunch at Antipodean in Bangsar for a lunch breakfast. I accidentally added sugar to my scrambled eggs. FML.

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This was before the sugar was added. Haha! But I love the mushroom and, of course, the scrambled eggs. 😀 I honestly don’t mind eating these for breakfast everyday. I shall make this my mission if one day, my dream of living in a studio house should come true. 🙂

It’s always fun to hangout with Thai, he’s so funny. No, let me correct that, hilarious!

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Vintage notebooks from Taiwan and some snacks! 😀 I love receiving notebooks because I simply love notebooks. Especially when they’re souvenirs from different places. So next time, wherever you’re travelling to, apart from other awesome souvenirs, remember to get me a notebook 😛

Bringing my babies on a team trip to Malacca tomorrow. Fingers crossed that everything goes well!

The semester just started and I’m taking 21 credit hours this semester. Bless me!

Counting down to one more month.

The list: #1 Drive, drive, drive.

Okay. This would probably sound stupid or maybe even childish, perhaps a little foolish, yada, yada, yada. But this is my story, just so you know. 😛

I’m driving!!

It’s not the first time, of course not. It’s been a few times already, more than that actually. But, keeping up to the promise that I’ve made to myself, I guess this is something of a milestone in my life that I would want to have it remembered in the only way that I know how; putting it into words.

Ever since I’ve gotten my license back in 2010, I think? I haven’t really drove about much. Biggest contributing factor would be every single car in my family was a manual car and I’m not a particularly good multitask-er when it comes to manual cars. Back then, it was either a Proton Iswara or a Nissan Grand Livina. The first one was out of the question because that’s what my father drives to work everyday, as for the Livina, it was too big and my mom just don’t dare to let me drive it, afraid that she couldn’t control the situation should any arises. I still remember there were weekends that my father would drive the Iswara to a remotely empty place near our housing area and let me practice driving. But old cars are so heavy without power steering that I appeared really clumsy and, well, lousy. Which further convincing my parents to not let me drive on the road. Not to mention an incident that totally convinced them to not let me touch any manual car.

Also, the fact that I do not really need to drive anywhere also made it harder for me to find any reason for my parents to let me drive their cars. Because they’d rather send me to places than risking their daughter’s life and their cars. Haha. And naturally, I really don’t enjoy troubling my parents, thus, it’s either my friends pick me up from my place or my father send me to bus stations on his way to work. I rarely go out anyways. It was something that have always been bothering me, not being able to drive after I’ve long gotten my license. And I always ‘behsong’ my parents for not letting me to go behind the wheels. Practice makes perfect! And how am I suppose to get better if I don’t even get to practice right? So the hate was on and off. 🙄

And then, one fine day in university during my second semester, it happens that I was so bored. Really bored to the very core-almost dying, I’d say-that I decided that I should rent a car and go somewhere, anywhere. But I didn’t want to do it alone, so I knew who to find; Jivitha. Someone that would be certainly okay for spontaneous stuff. I didn’t really expect to be the one driving, but when we got the keys to the rented Viva, she was like: “Michelle, you drive, I very lazy.” Are you sure? Are you even serious? Not being behind the wheels for what felt like really long, I drove all the way from Serdang to Bangsar. It was a first time, but you bet not the last.

Consequently, renting car for random outing after classes, though not very frequently, and also borrowing my friend’s car for AIESEC errands. Driving my brother’s Myvi to appointments. Driving Eddie’s car. Haha. You’d probably think it’s reckless of me to do such things. I won’t disagree. But what could I say in defence of myself?

Despite the fact that I’ve been driving quite frequently in recent months, my mom still don’t trust me to drive her car. (Ouh, all our cars are now auto cars, lol.) I wouldn’t blame her because even I doubt myself with a MPV. And I’m short and I really prefer smaller cars. (I’m suspecting one of the reason I’m so clumsy with manual car must have been because of my height. FML.)

And then today, my brother was supposed to drive my mom’s MPV to work leaving his Myvi behind so that I could use it to renew my passport. But when I was ready and got downstairs, I only saw my mom’s car, I don’t know why. I actually overheard my parents conversation with my mom saying; “She drive herself la.” then followed with my father offering to chauffeur me to get things done. I was a little uncertain at first, worried and scared even. Because I’m just not confident enough nor do I trust myself with an MPV. It’s hard to lookout when you’re somehow used to smaller cars.

But it happened anyway. Because I was driving alone, I was quite steady. 😛 But really, whenever there’s passenger, I become so nervous and tensed. It feels like the person seated at the passenger seat would suddenly scream at me and tell me I’m doing something wrong.

And so, today, I drove my mom’s MPV by myself and went and renew my passport. With almost perfect parking skills! Hahaha. 😀 The old passport expired for so long and there was no point renewing it because I wasn’t going anywhere, anyway. But this time, I have to. Yayyy! 🙂 Double satisfaction unlocked!

The reason why this simple little thing meant so much to me is because it’s actually one of those things that would remind me, no matter how badly something might seem at the moment. No matter how awful it makes you feel or how much it bothers you, one day you will look back at all these moments and you’d realise that it wasn’t so bad after all. And you’d wonder why did you care so much back then? And then you’d feel extra happy because you’ve overcome something that you once feared or dreaded.

It’s pretty much relatable, yes?

Oh yeah, notice my all new layout that comes with a new header? Customizing my blog is something I do to take off my mind from the disappointment brought forth by my result. It decided to take a steep dive. #timetomoveon

Happy valentines, people. 🙂

Now if you’d allow me to take that small, hidden road down my memory lane of times we had and things we did without you ruining the moment for both of us with words you carelessly say or I pointlessly mind.

Scribbled,

Mich.

Sweet.

The first post of the year. A tad bit too late, but there is always this saying that goes; better late than never. 😉

So ..

HAPPY 2014!!

5th day into the year of 2014 and here is my first post, greeting the world. Truth be told, ever since I entered university, my entire concept and perception towards the timeframe of a year has been different. A new year doesn’t really feel like a new year much except that we write 2014 instead of 2013. Basically because it’s the end of the semester and it’s finals’ season. But a new semester feels damn new. 😕

Anyway, for the first time, there won’t be any blow by blow 2013 recap nor 2014 resolutions. I guess, I could possibly, safely say that I don’t roll that way anymore? Maybe just this year (just in case I decided to do a recap by the end of this year, wtf). Main reason being is that, whenever I read posts on 2013 recap about how fruitful their 2013 had been, I’d go.. hmm. Hmm? 😐

A lot happened, of course a lot happened. But it’s the question of what I’ve gained. And it’s sort of tacit and it’s not easy to make it explicit. It’d take a whole lot of ranting. But one thing for sure, I must say, I learnt quite a lot about myself. Maybe discover would be a more suitable word. I wouldn’t say that I’ve found someone that I’ve never known myself to be, but rather know better of myself? Okay. That’s quite complicated. 😕

I should probably save that for another 21 Perceptions. So back to the title; Sweet.

Yes. Sweet.

It has been literally, I said literally, the sweetest week of my entire life. Since 30th of December last month; last year; this Monday, I was sort of snatched out of my room and went all the way to Bangsar for Alexis. Been craving for Alexis quite some time and was a bit in the blue on 30th but then Jivi called me and asked if I were up to go out for yumcha with Thai. Figured I could use some company? She said yumcha and I ended up being brought to Alexis and we had cake. 😀

Just when I thought that was that, since the original plan for NYE was cancelled so I slept all the way until 1 in the afternoon on the next day and on a random impulse decision, thought I’d just drop by Mid Valley and buy some stuff that I’m short of at the same time post a parcel off to a friend. But then, I don’t feel like doing it alone so I texted Jivi, and she said yes even on a random notice.

Jivi and our hoodie.

Yup, that’s Jivi. And we bought the same hoodie from Uniqlo together and wore it straight away. Simply went to the counter and told the cashier to tag it, paid and wore it out of the shop. I DID feel guilty, just so you know, but I really liked the design and it was .. on a promotion. We reckon it’d be fun to wear the same hoodie to conference or even meetings. Meyh. But I really love this hoodie. Fits snugly. I blame Yin Han, seriously. She was the one who showed it to me. Bless her. HAHA.

Also, on a random decision, we both decided that we should watch Frozen. Everyone was saying that the movie was really nice, yada.. yada! So the movie was nice. Typical Disney movie, not astoundingly nice but still nice. It’s been a while since I watched any Disney movies, I think. I love the movie for Idina Menzel’s voice though. Oh yeah, the sweet point in this was, we had pop corn right after we had our quite filling lunch because she said: Who goes into a cinema without pop corn? And also a cup of Heaven and Earth ice lemon tea.

Halfway through the movie, Iylia called. She was supposed to be spending NYE with Iylia and Wen Jun which was their original plan. And I thought.. after getting my stuff done, I’d wait until Iylia pick Jivi up and I’d head back to my hostel. Because honestly, I really didn’t feel like it. At all. But my conscience hits because she basically spent her whole afternoon with me on a very random notice, not to forget listened to me rant on and on about my issues yet not judging. And basically tried her best to make me feel better. So, I said yes. We were told to have something to fill our stomach first before being picked up from Mid Valley, and we had, of all things for dinner –  Snowflake.

Like that was not enough, after Iylia picked us up, it so happens that we went Bangsar again, and another round of cakes, this time with macarons! 😛 Ahh. By then, I already felt like.. oh my, enough of sweet things alright? It did not end here. After that, we decided that we should find a jazz bar and sit down while waiting for the time to strike before heading to Putrajaya for fireworks. But it so happens that the place we thought we’d go was pack, passed by Bukit Bintang and god forbids, the crowd can swallow you up. It felt claustrophobic even I was in a car and was just looking out from the window at the crowd. 😕

And then we waited for Kae Sen at a mamak near our university, I ordered banana milk. 🙄

From left: Jivi, Wen Jun, Iylia

Crapped there until around 11.30pm, picked Kae Sen up from intern house and off we went to Putrajaya singing along to The Corrs throughout the whole journey. Picked a spot, under the bridge and waited for time to pass. Wasn’t long. Then it happened.

2013 left. Without much notice, only 2014 blasting itself, announcing its arrival to the world at quite a distant from where we stood. Kae Sen wasn’t in the picture because he was on the phone.

Totally random. Totally.. different?

The view of the underside of the bridge at night with it’s reflection was purely awesome. I fervently wished I had my camera and my tripod with me. No joke.

Time Portal, Putrajaya.

After the firework was over, we didn’t know what to do and some of us were hungry. 😀 Thus, the answer was dim sum at Kuchai Lama. I think we reached there around 1.30am? Ate so much until we all had enough and just sat there crapped the whole night. With Kae Sen there, laughter was guaranteed. I think we made the most noise there and by the time we left the place, it was 3 in the morning, first day of 2014. Made our way back to hostel but the gate was closed on us, so Iylia dropped all of us at intern’s house and Jivi, Wen Jun and I crashed at intern house. Jivi and I slept in the living room. 😆

Though, NYE didn’t really turn out as how I thought it’d be, it ended somehow with a smile. Well, things happen for a reason?

Room mate and I.

Wen Jun sent us back after getting his car from his hostel at 7 in the morning(how could we live without our LCP), cleaned myself up and went back to sleep until 12 in the afternoon. Only had lunch at about 2 because my room mate woke up at 1.15, something like that. Again, on a random decision, dragged my room mate out to Mid Valley and met up with an idiot a friend. 😛 Was supposed to have sushi but ended up having Alexis AGAIN. 😯 No joke, really sugar overload because we went for 47 Ronin and again, there was pop corn.

It was a weird combination of people hanging, or rather looming around the mall. Rather weird. And the first day of the year was ended with Mc D as supper at Bangsar, again, FML.

What’s wrong with me and Bangsar? It used to be the woman and I’s favourite hang out spot. We love parking our car and just wander down the empty streets where only few shops would be open. It was quiet. It was peaceful.

Now I’ve over-visited it.

Coursemates.

You would have thought that sugar intake would stop. It was too much that I’ve started growing wary on even having granola bars as breakfast, the thought of it made me want to puke. I was dying for something salty, something food the next day. Spent the whole 2nd January studying for my first paper.

And yesterday, since it’s already 5th now, went to have lunch with the course mates after my second paper. The meal was awesome, Hot soup at Kajang. Initially, they wanted to go Karaoke at Setia Walk because Loudspeaker is having promotion (I know right, second paper like finish finals already. 🙄 ).

But changed of plan: Dessert at Publika.

And thus, this happened..

Mad about coco, Publika.

Though shared with the course mate, but still it was a little bit too much. The chocolate was too nice and didn’t want to waste it. Translation: I finished half of the chocolate and it was really sweet.

I guess I really had to cut down on sugar intake. Seriously.

Thus, that is. The sweetest week of my life. Literally. So sweet. 😳

Should be studying or maybe sleep early. But, for the first time in forever, a long ass post on what’s up. I’ve missed the steady rhythm of my fingers dancing across the keys on my laptop. The humming as my fingers hit each keys that makes me feel better as thoughts flow through my moving hands. I’ve missed this, too.

Gonna end this post with a screenshot of a video call from my sister. 🙂 Ignore my face, a successful attempt in making the mischievous little boy smiled at me.

Love him 😀

Screenshot of video call with #boiboier

Have an awesome year ahead, to me, myself and I. And to all those reading this. To those who matter and to those who care.

Here’s to another year of unfolding adventures.

Love and scribbled,

Mich.

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Say what you need to say.

I wouldn’t forget the look he had when he shook me hard reminding me; “We have one more year.”

As if afraid I did not understand or I missed what he said, he repeated shaking me harder; “We’ve got one more year to go.”

It got me blurting out; “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, I’m here.”

***

Over time and things that happened, I got used to conceal whatever fear or any other intense emotion behind one deadly smile. Sometimes, you just get too tired to explain yourself or your situation, even your very own feelings. You just tell anyone who got bothered enough to ask that you are okay. Even though that might be a downright lie. But the lie grew so solid to one extend where it convince even yourself that you are okay while somewhere, deep inside you, is falling apart.

I used to think that the world is repelling me from blending in. A question rose to the front of my mind; Is the world repelling me or am I keeping the world at bay? Sometimes it’s pathetic when you got so used to keep your feelings inside, you just don’t know where to begin even you really want to spill some out. You can’t even be completely honest in your diary entries.

And recently, I’ve been visited by one question rather frequently; Are you all right? or Are you okay?

It makes me wonder, is it written all over my face that I winded myself up in a place and got lost in it or it is just plain fatigue exhibited by my appearance? I’m pretty much convinced it is the latter. I’d like to think I’m way too far from being an open book.

Sometimes, I wish my heart could gather up enough strength to overrule my brain and speak out loud. Even for once. For the sake of myself, for the sake of those who really care.

A journey of self discovery or self-destruction. It depends on how you see things.

Keep smiling, it says so much more than word for word explanation.

Scribbled,

Mich.

KEEP CALM

Yes. A brand new blog. A brand new life. No. Still the same old me. I have been debating with myself for quite some time whether if I should start a new blog. But I every time I stare at the page views of a Michelicious story I simply couldn’t convince myself to do it.

It was one of those nights that I just wanted to do whatever it is, so doodle poodle poop; this blog you are reading. Just why am I switching back to wordpress (I started out as a blogger with wordpress) is for the exact opposite reason why I left for Blogger. However, that is for me to know and for you to ponder upon.

I hope this whole new blog and its entire different layout is sufficient in telling you a tad bit, if not all, about where I’m heading in my blogging journey.

And so..

keep-calm-and-scribble-on

Whoops, almost forgot: Welcome and thank you for coming!

Scribbled,

Mich