The list: #1 Drive, drive, drive.

Okay. This would probably sound stupid or maybe even childish, perhaps a little foolish, yada, yada, yada. But this is my story, just so you know. 😛

I’m driving!!

It’s not the first time, of course not. It’s been a few times already, more than that actually. But, keeping up to the promise that I’ve made to myself, I guess this is something of a milestone in my life that I would want to have it remembered in the only way that I know how; putting it into words.

Ever since I’ve gotten my license back in 2010, I think? I haven’t really drove about much. Biggest contributing factor would be every single car in my family was a manual car and I’m not a particularly good multitask-er when it comes to manual cars. Back then, it was either a Proton Iswara or a Nissan Grand Livina. The first one was out of the question because that’s what my father drives to work everyday, as for the Livina, it was too big and my mom just don’t dare to let me drive it, afraid that she couldn’t control the situation should any arises. I still remember there were weekends that my father would drive the Iswara to a remotely empty place near our housing area and let me practice driving. But old cars are so heavy without power steering that I appeared really clumsy and, well, lousy. Which further convincing my parents to not let me drive on the road. Not to mention an incident that totally convinced them to not let me touch any manual car.

Also, the fact that I do not really need to drive anywhere also made it harder for me to find any reason for my parents to let me drive their cars. Because they’d rather send me to places than risking their daughter’s life and their cars. Haha. And naturally, I really don’t enjoy troubling my parents, thus, it’s either my friends pick me up from my place or my father send me to bus stations on his way to work. I rarely go out anyways. It was something that have always been bothering me, not being able to drive after I’ve long gotten my license. And I always ‘behsong’ my parents for not letting me to go behind the wheels. Practice makes perfect! And how am I suppose to get better if I don’t even get to practice right? So the hate was on and off. 🙄

And then, one fine day in university during my second semester, it happens that I was so bored. Really bored to the very core-almost dying, I’d say-that I decided that I should rent a car and go somewhere, anywhere. But I didn’t want to do it alone, so I knew who to find; Jivitha. Someone that would be certainly okay for spontaneous stuff. I didn’t really expect to be the one driving, but when we got the keys to the rented Viva, she was like: “Michelle, you drive, I very lazy.” Are you sure? Are you even serious? Not being behind the wheels for what felt like really long, I drove all the way from Serdang to Bangsar. It was a first time, but you bet not the last.

Consequently, renting car for random outing after classes, though not very frequently, and also borrowing my friend’s car for AIESEC errands. Driving my brother’s Myvi to appointments. Driving Eddie’s car. Haha. You’d probably think it’s reckless of me to do such things. I won’t disagree. But what could I say in defence of myself?

Despite the fact that I’ve been driving quite frequently in recent months, my mom still don’t trust me to drive her car. (Ouh, all our cars are now auto cars, lol.) I wouldn’t blame her because even I doubt myself with a MPV. And I’m short and I really prefer smaller cars. (I’m suspecting one of the reason I’m so clumsy with manual car must have been because of my height. FML.)

And then today, my brother was supposed to drive my mom’s MPV to work leaving his Myvi behind so that I could use it to renew my passport. But when I was ready and got downstairs, I only saw my mom’s car, I don’t know why. I actually overheard my parents conversation with my mom saying; “She drive herself la.” then followed with my father offering to chauffeur me to get things done. I was a little uncertain at first, worried and scared even. Because I’m just not confident enough nor do I trust myself with an MPV. It’s hard to lookout when you’re somehow used to smaller cars.

But it happened anyway. Because I was driving alone, I was quite steady. 😛 But really, whenever there’s passenger, I become so nervous and tensed. It feels like the person seated at the passenger seat would suddenly scream at me and tell me I’m doing something wrong.

And so, today, I drove my mom’s MPV by myself and went and renew my passport. With almost perfect parking skills! Hahaha. 😀 The old passport expired for so long and there was no point renewing it because I wasn’t going anywhere, anyway. But this time, I have to. Yayyy! 🙂 Double satisfaction unlocked!

The reason why this simple little thing meant so much to me is because it’s actually one of those things that would remind me, no matter how badly something might seem at the moment. No matter how awful it makes you feel or how much it bothers you, one day you will look back at all these moments and you’d realise that it wasn’t so bad after all. And you’d wonder why did you care so much back then? And then you’d feel extra happy because you’ve overcome something that you once feared or dreaded.

It’s pretty much relatable, yes?

Oh yeah, notice my all new layout that comes with a new header? Customizing my blog is something I do to take off my mind from the disappointment brought forth by my result. It decided to take a steep dive. #timetomoveon

Happy valentines, people. 🙂

Now if you’d allow me to take that small, hidden road down my memory lane of times we had and things we did without you ruining the moment for both of us with words you carelessly say or I pointlessly mind.

Scribbled,

Mich.

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21 Perceptions: #4 A bucket list

It’s already somewhere in the middle of February and the heat is no joke. It feels as if it’s increasingly hot every day since the first day of the Lunar New Year. With these glaring hot weather, it adds up to my reluctance to return for a start of the semester. I was actually relentlessly hoping to go back sooner rather than later hoping a change of environment could put me into action, instead of procrastinating and slacking.

These lazy bones are getting heavier.

Indulging oneself too long with high school friends, meeting up, gatherings or just simply staying at home with minimal amount of work covered. Not to mention, not even a single proper blog post since the last one. Not very healthy, yes. I know. Well, that’s not the point. Because as we grow older, as more time passes, it get rarer to meet up with your high school gang and to relive those carefree moment you had when you were in high school. No big question mark of what’s next hovering or the constant challenge of wanting to be a better person.

Damn. People weren’t lying when they said enjoy your high school life while you can. And enjoy your university life while you can. Well, basically enjoy being a student while you can.

I don’t know why, it just so happens that my hangouts with high school friends are quite limited to a few people at a time only. But that’s enough. Maybe it’s just me, I really prefer to have two or three of the close ones rather than a whole gang where they’d segregate into different gangs and talk among themselves. So, our style is different gang, different rounds! Haha, no one gets left out. But if there’s a group of people that I’d always really love the most to hang out with would be the Kajang High School lunch hour gang; Yin Han, Koh, Yan Yang, Fu Wai and Ashok. I don’t know, these combination of people are just hilarious and despite their tendency to fish out histories and relentlessly teasing it, they’re still crazily awesome.

Kinda sad that it’s been a long time this full team had hung out, though.

And the Engku Husain bunch that only rarely, once a year meet because we are all going to different universities at different states. I’ve missed this year’s house hopping because of the dengue attack that my father got. Even so, we’ve managed to hang out and had this secret bursting round of card games, which was childish yet, who would say no to revealing old school mysteries. 🙂 Woots, I look taller in this photo when in fact, I’m like the shortest among them. 😀

Anyway, I was going through photos in my phone and it just crossed my mind; Hey, that girl with the long hair. That girl smiling with that two profusely meaty cheeks. Is that really me? I’ve become chubby, even being called fat. I’ve got long hair, way passed my shoulders.

That was something that I’ve always wanted when I was a kid. The long hair I mean. And for the longest time in my life, I’ve felt like my hair simply wouldn’t grow pass my shoulders. And I used to be so skinny I actually don’t like how I look in photos. I’ve only been gradually gaining weight since some where around Form 5.

It hit me. In the midst of chasing after a possible better future. In the midst of dwelling upon things that I’ve not managed to achieve or people who left, I have always, always, always forgot about those things that I’ve always used to want. Because you’ve got it. Because you crossed it in your bucket list and the moment of elation passed by, you look onto something else. The things that you’ve once feverishly wanted became small. Because it’s now something you have, not want anymore. That’s quite sad, don’t you think?

And I suddenly recall that I’ve got a bucket list lying around somewhere in my old blog. I revisited my blog and went through the list and again, realised, I’ve actually achieved quite some stuff on that list that I’ve made couple or more years back. Including driving, having a 21st birthday celebration, ending my STPM gloriously or even getting a boyfriend, though we broke up. It was a list of things that I’ve set in order to achieve and 90% of it has been achieved, with or without me appreciating! And the glorious moment? I simply let it passed me by because I ‘couldn’t find time’ to do something to save a piece of that happy moment.

There are a lot of things that we want to do and yet always tell ourselves, one day, I’d do this or do that, and kept on pushing it aside ‘waiting’ for the right time. Even simple things like reading a book, dating someone or write a blog post, maybe even keeping a journal.

This is what we call not living in the moment. Because very often, we forget that it’s now or never.

And a promise to myself, each time I cross out something on the list, a blog post about it will be up.

Just like #100happydays challenge that I’ve decided to do.

Another effort in trying to seize the moment, and live in it.

Scribbled,

Michelle.