Another 4 years.

Ever since I remember things, every pacemaker check ups or follow ups, I were never alone. Either mummy or my mom would take me and accompany me through those gruelling hours of patient waitings. Be it in Gleneagles or in recent years, IJN. These once a year or bi-annual check ups with the company of my parents have been such a routine in my life that I never thought there would come a day when I would eventually have to sit on those cold benches in crowded waiting rooms alone.

Last year on my check up, my mom and mummy were both busy taking care of nephews and niece. But my father was still the one who sent me for my check up, although he did not wait with me, but it was comforting knowing that he was there. It still felt pretty routine, apart from the absence of my mom, which I thought would resume on my next check up.

Come my annual check up yesterday, since I’m already in KL, there was no point for my father to fetch me nor for my mom to be there. The reality descended upon me that it’s finally time to be old enough to take myself for my pacemaker check ups. I can drive there, I can uber there. I can sit on those cold benches, surrounded by waiting outpatients that are never my age by myself. I can endure the splitting dizziness and nausea while the Medtronic representative run tests and checks on my pacemaker without the worrying glances. I can step into the consultation room and meet the doctor, alone. I can pay the relevant fees myself.

When I was sitting in front of the consultation room, waiting for my number to blink above the door, I wanted so badly to go back being the small girl who once sat with her feet dangling off the long bench in the crowded paediatric clinic of Dr Lim. Watching as the other kids running up and down the small play area, listening to the crying of babies and impatient arguments between couples. Above all, having my mother there with me.

I guess now, even this has become one more thing to endure, in the journey of adulting.

All is well.

I was a bit, for the first time in my life, nervous to look at the screen – that specific line that reads the remaining battery life of my pacemaker.

But all is well, or so I hope.




Tidal wave.

Image source: Google.

I guess it’s true.

But sometimes, just sometimes, you fervently wish that it’s smooth sailing. Nobody ever said it was easy, but the adrenaline rush you get before you take that final leap  gives you the thrill and excitement, making you look forward to it. Once you got in, it’s jumping through trapdoors made of steel that immediately shuts behind you, you can’t even look back. It leaves you with no choice but to keep pushing forward, no matter how tempting it is to turn around.

One moment, you feel like you’ve got everything together, you’re floating. The next, you sink and drown, and there is no way to stop it.

It makes you miss yourself. Not because you’ve changed into someone you fail to recognise. But you somehow got so detached with yourself, you forgot how it feels like to actually be yourself.

You realise no one could keep you on the surface as you sink and sink, no matter how willing they are to draw you close. Because you know you cannot rely on anyone, but yourself. People leaves, eventually.

And they have their own waves to deal with. 


Car polish worth of life lesson

Okay. So I guess I’m on a streak of life lessons. Either that or I’m just suay. Okay la. This time, I admit it’s really my fault.

So here goes my something, something worth of life lesson part two. This time, it’s about Duckie. (Oh right! I haven’t officially introduce Duckie yet. Well, will work on it soon, I guess.)

The story started this morning when I woke up as usual at 6. I thought to myself: Well, not wearing lens, I should be able to leave the house early, woohoo! Then who knows, I was so absorbed by the person in the mirror, time flew by. By the time I was done brushing my teeth and put on my clothes, it was 6:20am. 

I thought to myself again, well okay, a bit of time left. Then I realise I wasn’t wearing the right bra, wtf?! FML. So I changed. Imagine peeling off your clothes and change your bra and put on your clothes again! (Imagine yourself la, not me okay? Wtf.)

Long story short, by the time I drew my brows and was ready to leave, it was 6:34am already! Time flies when you’re spending time with yourself, can?

So the point is, when I reached the KTM parking, there were not parking left! The thing is, they have a lot of levels in the parking building at the KTM because of MRT. But they are waiting for some approval and so only the first floor is open for use. 🙄

I was only left with two options; 1) Park beside the road and risk having my car scratched. 2) Park at the taxi slots and risk the uncertainty.

I went with option two. 

Then.. I came back to find this. 

Apparently the taxi uncle who did this worried that I couldn’t see properly. 



They scribbled on my windscreen too, but that was really hard to see so I couldn’t be bothered with taking a photo.

When I went got to my car I was like 😱. Then a taxi uncle came and ask me:

Ah moi! Ini kereta parkir sini lu punya ka? Lain kali jangan park sini oh! Nasib baik dia orang tau you perempuan (exactly how they know the car owner is a girl, I’ve got no idea!) takde kasi tayar bocor! 

Then the uncle proceeded to run a check for me to see if there is any punctured tyre. By that I mean he went around my car. I thanked him and hastily got into my car and drove away. (I forgot to off my rear mirror light again, FML.)

Anyway, yea the moral of the story is: Don’t spend too much time admiring the person in your mirror. 紅顏禍水. LOL.

Okay la. I apologise for parking at the taxi space that I pissed them off. But I’m at the same time thankful that they were kind enough and did not proceed to do anything worse like some permanent damage to Duckie.

So.. Yea! 

Great Monday!



200 bucks worth of life lesson

I know it’s 12:00 a.m. and I’m supposed to go sleep since I have a meeting exactly 12 hours later (heck, who sleeps so early anyway). But I’ve done something freaking stupid again that I feel terrible about. Remember when I idiotically forgot about my annual pacemaker follow up? (You can read about it here.)

Yea. Just worse.

So the story begins when I had to go to KLCC to meet up with my talent together with my senior yesterday afternoon. I told my senior to remind me to withdraw from the ATM since we are having a team dinner on the same night and my cash are running low anyways.

Scheduled meeting was at 2:30 p.m. and we arrived at KLCC at say, 2:15 p.m.? But my talent was running a bit late because her driver just got back from Friday prayers. So my senior and me decided to just walk around to kill off time.

Okay, long story short, I went to the HSBC ATM machine to withdraw money. I wanted to withdraw two hundred bucks and I asked for a receipt. So when the ATM machine dispensed the receipt and my card, I took both.

I took both, turned around and left.

Yes. I left without my money that I JUST withdrew.

My talent texted me right after and we went to meet her. I went about my day as usual and until I had to take the bigger notes from my wallet for the team dinner we had, only did I realised that I was two hundred bucks short. Only did it dawned upon me that I bloody forgot to take my money from the ATM machine.

Admittedly, I was mindlessly lulling about replying emails and whatnot throughout the whole process of withdrawing. I was distracted. But what an expensive distraction.

That precise moment when I realised what had happened, I was like; Oh. Okay. Oh no. Oh shit. Fuck my life.

And then; Mich, you can go kill yourself. (Okay, maybe not so extreme.)

Exactly who would have done what I just did?! (Okay, apparently it is pretty common, cause I googled it, wtf.)

At first I thought there isn’t anything I could do. I mean, the next person could have easily took the money, my money. But I really googled “What happens when you withdraw from ATM and forgot to take the cash.” (Typical first world problem.) Apparently there is a possibility that the ATM machine sucks in your cash if you don’t take it.

So on my way home, I decided to call HSBC customer service. It was already 11:00 p.m. but their customer careline was still operating.

I lodged a report on my case and the customer service officer ran some checks, confirmed two hundred bucks was deducted and not refunded to my account. So she told me she would raise this issue for me so that HSBC would investigate it. She also told me what to expect where there is two possible scenarios; 1) The machine retained the cash after I did not take it and within a few days, the amount will be refunded back into my account OR 2) The money was stolen, anyone passing by who saw could have just pulled it out.

I will be able to know within 11 working days the result of the investigation.

I’m not putting my hopes high. And I’m telling myself that whoever happened to have taken the cash really needed it and it possibly helped him or her get through a difficult time. (I know two hundred bucks isn’t a lot for a lot of you but then again, it’s two. hundred. bucks. It’s a lot for a freshie like me, okay? I could have paid my Maxis bill, lol!)

So yea, a painful and burning life lesson for me.

I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life alright, but the ones that makes me feel superbly disappointed with myself, I think it ought to be taken down in the history of my life.

Just when I thought I couldn’t get any thicker, I just surprised myself. And I need to survive for another three weeks until I get my next pay check.

Great, Mich. Life’s great.



Saturday: Six people, six rivers, one hour

just so it sounds more dramatic.

So yea, I ended my internship yesterday (finally! *pops confetti*) and my way of celebrating it was a day out with a bunch of adventurous people. Lol. Anyway, the idea budded a couple of weeks ago when my friend asked if I wanted to go waterfall. I think she actually called me..

At that point of time, I simply said yes but wasn’t thinking much about it because my family don’t really like the idea of being around waterfalls. They think waterfalls are haunted, I do too. When I said yes to waterfall, time and place wasn’t decided yet. Then a couple of days following the call, a whatsapp group was created for this waterfall outing. But even until yesterday, I had no idea where we were going, I just knew we were going to waterfall. Shows how much I don’t give AF where we are heading as long as we are heading there together. Awwww.

Anyway, when I got home after my last day of internship, I felt very tired and wanted to ffk because I have a handful of interviews lined up the following week and I just wanted to rest.

And if I did, I would have missed a day of awesomeness.

I don’t know exactly where the waterfall is located, I think it’s Kubu Baru. But the waterfall is called Chiling Waterfall, around 1.5 hours from Kepong.

It was only this morning that I found out we would have to hike for an hour before reaching the waterfall. Wtf. I don’t like the idea because my first thought was that I would slow down everyone’s progress, given my useless stamina, wtf.

We were supposed to gather at Wen Jun’s (I’m just going to assume that you will know who is who because not many people are going to read this anyway, and it’s for my future self to read back also, so yea.) at 9:30am. So I left my house at 7:30am, reach Chin Lin’s house in Serdang at 8:00am. Iylia picked us up at 8:30am and we headed straight to Kepong to pick Alyssa up which was around 9:30am.

The night before, Iylia already told Wen Jun in our whatsapp group that it’s not very possible to reach his house at 9:30am, but he will try anyway. Wen Jun then said there is no try and we should be at his house at 9:30am no matter what. OK.

By the time we picked Alyssa up and head to Wen Jun’s house, it was 9:45am. First thing I did was call Wen Jun, twice and he did not pick up. Already guessing what is happening. We spent around 10 minutes at the car park calling him and then we decided that we should just feed our hunger at a nearby mamak while we wait for him to come around and answer his call.

I suggested that we head straight to his house but I could not remember which floor it is. So we sat down at the mamak and by then, Chi Yao was already in touch with Wen Jun’s mom. However, his mom was outside and despite giving us his house phone number we still could not get to the 9:30am-no-try-guy.

By then we were already discussing our plan B and Iylia started worrying if anything happened to Wen Jun. Then his mom told us their house address, so after eating, we went to the guard house and talked to the security guard. It was very nice of their security guard, responsible even, as he took us to his unit and waited until he was sure that we are his friends before going back to the guard house.

What happened?

He overslept and couldn’t hear his phone ringing. Lol, but anyway we still sticked to our Chiling waterfall plan and turns out the timing was just nice.

As my title suggested, it was an one hour journey (should be less than that if you walk faster and don’t take a lot of photos at nice spots) where you have to cross six rivers.

I’m not a hiker, nor am I a person who exercises regularly. Well if you count walking in KTM stations and standing in KTM, then yes, I exercise on a regular basis, wtf. But the trail was a pretty simple one, no major obstacles. A bit muddy at the beginning of the trail and you’d be just fine if you have long legs. But overall, I’m glad I didn’t slow my friends down all too much.

Today’s weather was pretty good too and water level was not high. Wen Jun went a couple of times and the last time he went, water level was really high and it was raining.

Let me blast you guys with photos.

Note: photos are taken by Chi Yao with his Samsung Galaxy Note 5.


It’s the base of the waterfall.


Beginning of the trail, six rivers!

As I said, the weather was pretty good and the water level was friendly too, something Wen Jun kept repeating.


A spot where we stopped by for a while and took some photos. Vain people.

It was also where I slipped and sat on a rock.


Take one


Take two








Wen Jun photobomb! *notice the head*

So yea, we stopped for like, 10 minutes to take photos? Then we continued trekking the trail.

And we are there! 😀 It reminds me of the place I went when I was still in the tribe at Taiwan.


Chi Yao’s candid test.


We are at the top!


Chin Lin and I


A little nearer


And it’s me and my pose


And we exchange! Lol.


Notice the subtle flare that makes it looks like there’s a rainbow?

So on the way up, I was telling Chin Lin how amazing it was when I trekked in the tribe to their waterfall because the butterflies there were fearless. They danced around us and land on our colourful towels.

But Chiling waterfall has very beautiful butterflies too. And for some reason, they took a liking of my butt. Aren’t my butt-erfly pretty? 😛


The Samsung Galaxy Note 5 is simply amazing or what?! It’s even better than the Huawei Nexus 6P.

Wen Jun alleged that the butterfly was mating with his leg. Wtf.

We stayed at the top for like, I don’t know, 20 minutes? There were people doing cliff diving and just enjoying the cool water. It was pretty and really chilling there. You can even swim around. But it started raining and we thought it’s wise if we start heading back down.

And on the way down, instead of crossing the river, we crossed this trunk. I was scared and grabbed Chin Lin and Chi Yao’s hands like it’s my lifeline. No joke. Should have just sat down and did what Iylia and Alyssa did.




We made Chi Yao take a photo for us.

When we reached the second river, the rain stopped and it was a quiet spot. So we decided to just chill around..


Which means..


.. more photos


And just, float around.

Wen Jun even tried catching the fishes because there was a guy who threw fish food around. Apparently, the fishes there were smarter than us. They decided that they are not that hungry after all when we placed the fish food inside a plastic bag, trying to trap them.

Smart fishes.

We continued heading out at 4:00pm as the sky darken a little. By the time we got back to the base, I think it was 4:30pm. Or even a bit earlier.

Oh, we started at 1:00pm and reached the top at 2:10pm.

By the time we were done cleaning up and changed, it was around 5:30pm or 5:45pm. We were all famished by the time we got back to the car.

Something to note about the waterfall was that, crocs are highly recommended as you’d get soaked. Wet is an understatement. Flippers or slippers are not recommended, I think it’s quite dangerous as some places are quite slippery. Also, treading the rivers, you’d often have to dig your foot between rocks so you don’t get carried away by the current.

And put all your belongings including your clothes and cellphones in a plastic bag before putting it in your backpack or it’d get all wet. My backpack is still wet right now. Wen Jun asked us to do just that the night before.

Also don’t bother bringing shampoos or whatnots, there’s no water in the toilet for you to bathe or even take a quick shower. What we did was to fill out water bottles with water at the tap outside and just wash off sands. Don’t drink those water, though. Lol.

I still do think that waterfalls are dangerous. My parents always told me that “戲山莫戲水”. Mess with the forest, don’t mess with waters. My father grew up around waterfalls and he knew how sudden the current could change and there are always hidden currents that could trap you.

My parents always warn me to stay away from waterfalls because we do not know how to observe the signs where the current is about to change. But getting back to nature simply isn’t something you could resist. We’d always have to be alert with the weather and water level. I didn’t tell my mom I was going to waterfall because I know she don’t like it and would worry. Opps.

So, as we were famished, we went to a restaurant where Wen Jun promised it’d be great Tom Yam. I’m not a Tom Yam fan since I don’t take spicy, but then I was sold to the sotong petai and fried chicken. We ordered 5 dishes including the Tom Yam and a big portion of fried rice. Not big, humongous. We thought we would not be able to finish it but we did in the end. So proud of us.

No photos on the food because we don’t have such religious people among us but it was really, really good.

Headed back to Kepong and it was around 8:30pm when we reached.

It was a tiring day, but I felt recharged spending time with these people. At least I could have quality conversation with them.

This is what I call quality outing.


And these are the people when you don’t scroll phones while with them. How do you do that anyway when you have to focus on not tripping over? 😛

It’s been a while since I updated my blog. But I just had to have this documented.

Till the next entry 🙂

Oh, happy new year by the way.

The mirror to our reality

I had a dream last night. It’s been a while since I had any dream about you. That being said, I do have frequent visits from you in my dreams ever since ties were cut between us. They said that if you dreamt of someone, it means that person misses you.

How untrue. I, on the other hand, think that our dreams are based on our strongest underlying desires that lay resilient in our subconsciousness. The ones we spend a conscious amount of effort to deny, to silent. Dreams, as much as our little minds try to decipher it, are probably mirror to the reality in our waking.

Like any other dream, the dream I had, had neither beginning nor an end. And like any other dream, it did not linger long, thus, I could only make out bits and pieces of it.

In that dream, you were waiting, hovering even, for an answer from me. An answer to a question that only I have in my very possession. You wanted something from me. How ironic. You never wanted anything from me. But it was my dream. The idea that you were conform to my subconscious wants is amusing.

And unlike how I used to be around you, eager and willing, I wasn’t about to give you your answer in my dream. In fact, I was trying to put a hold to giving you an answer, to pursue what I wanted. Something that didn’t have anything to do with you. You can wait, in my dreams. You have had to wait.

Somewhere in my dreams, I might have failed in my pursue. Yet, still reluctant to give you the answer you were anticipating.

I thought it would take a longer time for it to pass. Although every time your name pops up in social media, I’d still cringe. Although every time when your name is brought up, my stomach gives a reluctant twist. Although I still wonder, at times – way more than necessary, if you are faring well in life. I am finally able to find peace with myself.

Because reality finally stops hurting.