I had a dream last night. It’s been a while since I had any dream about you. That being said, I do have frequent visits from you in my dreams ever since ties were cut between us. They said that if you dreamt of someone, it means that person misses you.
How untrue. I, on the other hand, think that our dreams are based on our strongest underlying desires that lay resilient in our subconsciousness. The ones we spend a conscious amount of effort to deny, to silent. Dreams, as much as our little minds try to decipher it, are probably mirror to the reality in our waking.
Like any other dream, the dream I had, had neither beginning nor an end. And like any other dream, it did not linger long, thus, I could only make out bits and pieces of it.
In that dream, you were waiting, hovering even, for an answer from me. An answer to a question that only I have in my very possession. You wanted something from me. How ironic. You never wanted anything from me. But it was my dream. The idea that you were conform to my subconscious wants is amusing.
And unlike how I used to be around you, eager and willing, I wasn’t about to give you your answer in my dream. In fact, I was trying to put a hold to giving you an answer, to pursue what I wanted. Something that didn’t have anything to do with you. You can wait, in my dreams. You have had to wait.
Somewhere in my dreams, I might have failed in my pursue. Yet, still reluctant to give you the answer you were anticipating.
I thought it would take a longer time for it to pass. Although every time your name pops up in social media, I’d still cringe. Although every time when your name is brought up, my stomach gives a reluctant twist. Although I still wonder, at times – way more than necessary, if you are faring well in life. I am finally able to find peace with myself.
Because reality finally stops hurting.