It was a simple question. A question of why. Why the occurrence of something a few years back that now seems like so long ago.
It used to be an easy question, with a schematic answer that I have convinced myself after having to answer it so many times. But no. This time, coming from a close friend, it felt like it needed a proper answer. The question, at the very least, deserves a proper answer.
I need a proper answer.
A recollection of what happened wasn’t really hard. Not a precise and accurate one, probably filled with my own memories in between missing gaps, but it’s more or less what happened. How long, exactly, has it been since? I’m never good at keeping track. Long enough. It’s this recollection that gave me a slap in the face.
How you’d always tell a story and it sided you, projecting a faulty image of another person. That person is always at fault. You’re the victim. But then, I realised-guess I have always knew-a huge chunk of how things turn out was my fault. I’ve let my ego gotten the best out of me. I’ve let my ego worked magic with my defensive mechanism.
The first time in forever, I actually wondered; If I were who I am now, would things be different? Would things turn out differently? Or would it have took the same turn in later days, ended in a way that is far worse than how it ended.
It reflected how immature and how incapable I was in handling my own emotions, handling a situation or even simply being more understanding. All this sums up into a reprimanding thought directed at myself;
You, of all people, should have known better.
Nandini said; It’s not about whether one person is meant for the other. It’s simply about meeting each other at the right time. You can’t have it all and timing is the key.
Timing is the key. And timing is always a bitch.
No regrets. I would have want things to turn out the same way if I were given a choice. Everything happens for a reason, no?
And I thank you for keeping the question until just now to ask. Any sooner, or later, I wouldn’t have revisited all those emotions and feelings that is flowing through me now.
If anything, it felt like a proper closure.
If there’s any possibility in the future, it would be one of the greatest things in my life to be able to sit and just talk about everything that could or could not have happened. To clear every single thing up and laugh at each other’s stupidity and feel awed at how life brings us to where we are.
Looking back and felt a surge of warmth running through my body. I deserve nothing less than being happier.
So, I was debating between another song and 3 Doors Down’s Here Without You. I think we liked this song better. I hope yes.