21 Perceptions: #4 A bucket list

It’s already somewhere in the middle of February and the heat is no joke. It feels as if it’s increasingly hot every day since the first day of the Lunar New Year. With these glaring hot weather, it adds up to my reluctance to return for a start of the semester. I was actually relentlessly hoping to go back sooner rather than later hoping a change of environment could put me into action, instead of procrastinating and slacking.

These lazy bones are getting heavier.

Indulging oneself too long with high school friends, meeting up, gatherings or just simply staying at home with minimal amount of work covered. Not to mention, not even a single proper blog post since the last one. Not very healthy, yes. I know. Well, that’s not the point. Because as we grow older, as more time passes, it get rarer to meet up with your high school gang and to relive those carefree moment you had when you were in high school. No big question mark of what’s next hovering or the constant challenge of wanting to be a better person.

Damn. People weren’t lying when they said enjoy your high school life while you can. And enjoy your university life while you can. Well, basically enjoy being a student while you can.

I don’t know why, it just so happens that my hangouts with high school friends are quite limited to a few people at a time only. But that’s enough. Maybe it’s just me, I really prefer to have two or three of the close ones rather than a whole gang where they’d segregate into different gangs and talk among themselves. So, our style is different gang, different rounds! Haha, no one gets left out. But if there’s a group of people that I’d always really love the most to hang out with would be the Kajang High School lunch hour gang; Yin Han, Koh, Yan Yang, Fu Wai and Ashok. I don’t know, these combination of people are just hilarious and despite their tendency to fish out histories and relentlessly teasing it, they’re still crazily awesome.

Kinda sad that it’s been a long time this full team had hung out, though.

And the Engku Husain bunch that only rarely, once a year meet because we are all going to different universities at different states. I’ve missed this year’s house hopping because of the dengue attack that my father got. Even so, we’ve managed to hang out and had this secret bursting round of card games, which was childish yet, who would say no to revealing old school mysteries. 🙂 Woots, I look taller in this photo when in fact, I’m like the shortest among them. 😀

Anyway, I was going through photos in my phone and it just crossed my mind; Hey, that girl with the long hair. That girl smiling with that two profusely meaty cheeks. Is that really me? I’ve become chubby, even being called fat. I’ve got long hair, way passed my shoulders.

That was something that I’ve always wanted when I was a kid. The long hair I mean. And for the longest time in my life, I’ve felt like my hair simply wouldn’t grow pass my shoulders. And I used to be so skinny I actually don’t like how I look in photos. I’ve only been gradually gaining weight since some where around Form 5.

It hit me. In the midst of chasing after a possible better future. In the midst of dwelling upon things that I’ve not managed to achieve or people who left, I have always, always, always forgot about those things that I’ve always used to want. Because you’ve got it. Because you crossed it in your bucket list and the moment of elation passed by, you look onto something else. The things that you’ve once feverishly wanted became small. Because it’s now something you have, not want anymore. That’s quite sad, don’t you think?

And I suddenly recall that I’ve got a bucket list lying around somewhere in my old blog. I revisited my blog and went through the list and again, realised, I’ve actually achieved quite some stuff on that list that I’ve made couple or more years back. Including driving, having a 21st birthday celebration, ending my STPM gloriously or even getting a boyfriend, though we broke up. It was a list of things that I’ve set in order to achieve and 90% of it has been achieved, with or without me appreciating! And the glorious moment? I simply let it passed me by because I ‘couldn’t find time’ to do something to save a piece of that happy moment.

There are a lot of things that we want to do and yet always tell ourselves, one day, I’d do this or do that, and kept on pushing it aside ‘waiting’ for the right time. Even simple things like reading a book, dating someone or write a blog post, maybe even keeping a journal.

This is what we call not living in the moment. Because very often, we forget that it’s now or never.

And a promise to myself, each time I cross out something on the list, a blog post about it will be up.

Just like #100happydays challenge that I’ve decided to do.

Another effort in trying to seize the moment, and live in it.

Scribbled,

Michelle.

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