I was sleeping late the previous night, so when I woke up, it was around 11 and I lazed around in bed surfing social sites on my iPod until half past 12. When I was about to get out of bed and wash up a little, a tweet retweeted by Belinda Chee caught my attention. One leg hanging mid-air stepping out of bed, another leg in between sheets, I shouted “NO.”
That was what I woke up to 13th July 2013. The news that Cory Monteith was found dead in his hotel room.
It did not really struck me in the beginning, thinking it was merely hoax that is not uncommon in social sites. But more official twitter accounts of news provider tweeted this news, it hit me that this has to be real. In the midst of trying to process this, this news somehow transported me back to one morning a few years back when Michael Jackson passed away.
It was an early morning and I was sitting with a couple of friends in our classroom waiting for the bell that denotes assembly to ring. My friend passed by and said with a rather gloomy voice “Hey guys, I have a bad news. Michael Jackson died.”
I was the first to respond; “So?”
Because of so many reasons. It did not really sank that what died really meant. It seems to be like something to be disregarded at first thought.
I googled Cory Monteith, the first thing that topped the result was the news of his death, second was his Wikipedia, with his date of birth and date of death. I had a moment when your brain tried processing two things; what you have known all this while and what you were just given. Because when something like death lands in your mind, the idea seems distant at the beginning until it slowly sinks in.
Death happens, but it’s the hardest to take in when it happens too sudden, too unexpected.
I was a faithful fan of the Glee series. Until the first Regional episode after the original cast graduated. I reason why I keep going back to this series was it was really touching and somehow inspiring. Be it the development of the casts in it or the stories that lead to almost every song they covered. The thing Glee wanted to bring out was accepting yourself for who you are and respect diversity; Never judge. And the fact that their cast, on or off screen, they had a very good upkeep of image given that the series holds a certain level of influence towards its audiences. It is not the exaggerating about how Glee and its cast changed my life or saved my life and whatnots. But at times, the stories of each and everyone of the casts made me feel better at times of lows. The message they bear was truly positive. I had goosebumps since the first performance of Don’t Stop Believing. But my favourite would always be Journey to the Regionals.
And though at some point, I hated how Finn treated Rachel, but Finn was, among the other male casts, my favourite. The comments and tributes after his death didn’t make things easier.
I am not having my depressive fan girl moment, mourning endlessly about the death of my idol. I am not the type of person that goes crazy over some celebrity. I understand that everyday, everyone dies. But sometimes, when it’s someone that matters, it’s not the same any more. And this is not in memory of the famous actor who played Finn Hudson, but in memory of Cory Monteith who meant a world to his friends and family.
You feel sad for the deceased. I feel awful for the ones who are being left behind. Handling death was supposed to be something personal. Something that you want to deal with on your own, in your own way. But because the deceased happened to be a public figure, you are expected to make a public statement regarding how you feel about losing someone. And how you deal with it will be judged constantly. When everyone is done magnifying your grief, they figured, it’s time to move on. So at the end of the day, when everyone decided to leave you alone, that’s when things finally crumbles down.
The worst feeling when it comes to death for me would be the breaking news and that empty feeling when everything is over. The devastating news hits and you move on to the procession stage where all the ceremonies and funerals happen and finally after the burial, your relatives bid you goodbye, everyone leaves, the emptiness of someone left to never return finally takes its toll on you.
If you have ever lost someone close to you, you’d understand the helplessness you feel. The feeling you get when everything is really over and you know there is no way you could undo it.
Death is final. Not only does it takes lives away, but it breaks things. And whatever it breaks, there is no way you could mend it.
No scars, only forgotten wound.
Death is a reminder for everyone to act before it’s too late.
Nothing could be any worse when death lies waiting down the line.
“It’s my life, it’s now or never. I ain’t gonna live forever, I’m just gonna live while I’m alive. It’s my life.”
Rest in peace, Cory Monteith.